Reflection

Darkness surrounded me, unknown voices calling out to me. I looked around but could see nobody. Suddenly, I heard a voice in my head. “What have you done?” it said. It sounded like my own voice. How was that possible? The darkness suddenly brightened. I looked around, realizing that I was in my own room standing near the bed, facing the mirror. I saw the reflection of my bed through the mirror. I did not need to turn back to realize someone was lying on my bed! Who was that? I wondered. I turned around and walked towards the bed. The sheets were covering what looked like a human figure. It was a person. I reached out for the sheets and pulled them back!

I could not believe my eyes! The person lying in my bed was…ME! How was it possible? I went back to face my mirror. What had happened? I searched my mind. Then suddenly, it all came back!

I had not been the best person I could have been. I had not been the best daughter, best sister, best friend or the best girlfriend I could have been, I realized. It was the sad truth. I was a person who was hated by the society, who was neglected by my friends, and who was not trusted by my family. If I had gone out with my friends and come home late, my parents would blame not only me, but everyone around me as well. According to them either I was a bad influence to them, or they were to me.

That’s when I had decided to end it all! I had gotten my friends to get me enough and more sleeping tablets, and the previous night I had taken them all just before getting into bed! Sudden panic struck my heart! Was my heart even beating? I wondered. No! I thought. I looked harder deep into the mirror and stared at myself more closely. That’s when I noticed the signs. My face was pale as ever, my lips redder than it was before. I had slight dark circles under my eyes, and suddenly as I watched I could see reflections of things behind me, right through me! I stretched my hand towards the mirror, and it went right through it. No! I thought. The pills had worked! I was dead!

I turned back and ran towards the bed. My body lay still as I watched. Then I heard footsteps, followed by voices. My family was back. My brother and sister walked into the room. My sister walked right though me, as I stood in front of the door. I watched as they shook my body, asking me to wake up. After few seconds they knew something was wrong. They screamed for my parents, who rushed into the room immediately. My mom sprinkled water on my face, but it had no effect. My dad was checking my pulse. After few minutes they realized I was no longer in this world. I felt the panic flood through as I watched their confused, sad expressions. I watched them as their hearts broke. I watched them panic, run around, scream, cry and make hundreds of calls. What have I done? I thought to myself. Was it really worth it? I had been a failure in life, but these people actually cared about me, and I had failed them!

Like a shadow lurking in the darkness, I had silently watched as my family and friends prepared for my funeral service. I heard people whispering about me. She committed suicide… Did not think of her parents who gave birth to her… Stupid girl! They had not known what I was going through each day, I thought. My close friends had a different reaction. They blamed everyone around me, who had caused me to make such a drastic decision. So many people judged me! I saw the faces of my parents, siblings, friends, colleagues flash in front of my eyes. I saw the reactions of each one of them! I saw the amount of tears I had caused. This was not a funeral, but literally a war! What had I done? I had created a war!

I could not go like this! I needed a second chance! I wanted to apologize to the whole world for what I had done! I knew my family would suffer for the rest of their lives! I knew I would be remembered not as the person I was, but as the girl who killed herself over something. No one actually even knew the proper reason why I had killed myself. I went back to the mirror in my room. I wanted the reflection to change! I wanted a second chance, a chance to make it work, a chance to be there for my family and friends! I stared at myself in the mirror and prayed. I prayed to have a second chance, a chance to show the world the real me! I closed my eyes, and I felt my heart burn.

I opened my eyes and looked around. I was lying on my bed. Was it a dream? I looked at my left hand. Nothing transparent! My right palm had a few pills clutched. Sleeping pills! So I hadn't taken them! I felt relieved. I was not dead! I was alive! I jumped out of my bed and ran in front of the mirror. The paleness of my skin, the redness of my lips, the dark circles under my eyes were all gone! I was me again! I felt relieved! Thank God! It was only a dream!

I heard footsteps of my brother and sister behind me. I was ready! Ready to actually live! Ready to change the way I thought, and the way I lived. I ran out of my room to greet them with a big smile on my face, and I knew that no matter how hard life got, suicide was not an option. It won’t be only yourself you will be murdering, but also the spirit of each and every one who had ever cared about you in your entire life! I decided, never to put tears into someone else’s eyes. I am not living my life for myself anymore, but simply I am living for the people around me, and based on that thought, I am ALIVE!